suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
