but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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