i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
