My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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