this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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