why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
