man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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