Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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