I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
