woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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