She said her name was "party"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
