Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
