I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
