Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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