Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
