yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
