Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
