YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
