I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
