I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
