I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
