I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
