Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
