You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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