I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i've created a new STD.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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