yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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