Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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