I am spending my child support on dildos
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Too much gin, very little bucket
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
