Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
