just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Pooping to opera.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
