You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This baby is an asshole
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
