let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
