Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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