she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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