i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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