I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
