Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
