Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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