I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
