Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
