Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
