Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Pants are for mortals
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
