youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
