I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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