You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
