there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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