the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
