I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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