I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
