I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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