just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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