I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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