i was born a porn star she said
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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