how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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